My girls

6 years on..

Its been another year, now 6 years since Nick passed away, aged 32 from pancreatic cancer.

If you haven’t read my last post, you can find it here, I wrote it a year ago and if you don’t know who I am or what I’m talking (writing?!) about you can start by reading this.

But here I sit 6 years on since Nick’s passing and I’m ok, actually I’m more than ok. I’m sitting on my couch, with the TV on in the background, as I watch my two girls play with my husband,  and even though my youngest is sick and is sneezing snot across the room, like literally!

Life is actually great.

Yet, 6 year ago, as I sat in this exact room, life looked a lot more grim. I’d just lost my husband to cancer, a word I’d barely thought of 8 months earlier and in what felt like the blink of an eye, my world changed.

From happily married with a newborn to 30 year widow and single mum.

How did that happen to me?!?

As optimistic and positive as we had been during his illness, this was the great unknown. The other side of Nick being sick.

What happens now?

I wish I could travel back in time 6 years, to have a chat with myself and say it’s going to be ok and better than you could imagine.

In 6 years, I have married again to a man I adore and have 2 beautiful girls, our youngest is turning two next month.

In 6 years I’ve lost friends and gained new ones, I’ve gone back to work and left again. I’ve gotten used to making school lunches and doing the school run. I’ve purchased more OPI nail polishes than I care to admit and I’ve realised how lucky my kids are to have three lots of grandparents who love them so deeply.

And I’ve learnt more about myself and my coping mechanisms than I thought possible.

For the record, I’m a ‘make inappropriate jokes when times a tough’ type of gal and I can’t cry on cue when it’s expected ie.funerals.

So, you might not be able to see into your future or time travel, but it will always be ok, maybe a different version of your normal but that will be ok too.

I was given a quote by the author Charles R. Swindoll in the time following Nick’s death that really spoke to me and I try and live by daily;

‘We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, our attitude. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.’

And you don’t have to have lost a partner to relate to this, but just ultimately how you react to any situation thrown at you, whether the loss of a loved one or even being cut off in traffic, is what will change the course of your life or even just your day.

Staying positive is key.

I still get emails from widows all over the world asking me if they’re going to be ok again, or telling me how my little ol’blog helped them see into their own futures again.

I am forever humbled reading these emails, thank you for taking the time to write and if you have any questions, you can email me below and i’ll be sure to reply as best I can.

Even if it’s been a year since I wrote, this blog just seems to gain momentum and I feel like i’m being pulled back to my laptop to write.

This week also marks a year since my last post, (wow, where did 2016 go?!?) so I’ll give you a thinly veiled promise to continue writing. I have ideas that keep me up at night. Paragraphs that form in my mind as I try to fall asleep, so I think you might see me pop up again very soon.

Or subscribe, if you’d like an email reminder when I write next.

I think a piece about not being judge-y, (yes, i know that’s not a real word), should be coming shortly.

Til next time, Michela x


19 thoughts on “6 years on..

  1. Hi Michela
    It’s so great to hear from you again. You have really hit the nail on the head there (English saying) if we could only look forward and see ourselves 2,3,4 years down the line it would be wonderful when going through circumstances of grief, stress or any kind of hurt having the ability to think this situation is not going to last forever, because when you are in that place it can be so dark it’s hard to think, ” this is not going to last”. You and your family have been a great example of life does go on , although you will never forget Nick and what he meant to you and I am sure he is in heaven congratulating you on how amazing you have been. Well you take care and enjoy that lovely family of yours, and here is to your next blog, lots of love Chris x

  2. Its wonderful to see that you are doing well Bella ….and clearly you are inspiring not only other widows but everyone that reads your blog including myself ….I look forward to reading many more stories.
    Peace and love to you and your beautiful family xx

    1. Hi Marie, so nice to hear from you again, I hope you’re well. Thank you so much for your kind words and I look forward to hopefully continuing to write.
      Sending my love right back to you, Michela xx

  3. It has been almost ten months since I lost my husband, who was 32, suddenly to a heart issue. I became a widow at 31 with three girls, 6, 2 and 1, to raise by myself. Everyday is a challenge and I am encouraged by your blog. I’m sorry that you had to go through the loss of your husband, and your children the loss of their father. You are brave and strong, and I hope when I reach the six year mark I can say what you have said, “Life is actually great”. My future is hard to see past getting my kids in bed every night. Reading this has made me feel hopeful.

    1. Hi Amy, I am so sorry for your loss, sounds like we have much in common, thank you for your kind words.
      I hope you too find a new sense of normal, you sound like you’ll be ok too and i’m sure you’ll also have a great life again, be gentle on yourself. Sending my love to you and your three beautiful girls. Write me whenever you like.
      Michela xx

  4. Amazing! This is the first time seeing tthis, never knew you wrote. Loved reading every word!! Love ya Bella xx

  5. It is so lovely to hear how well you are doing. I have followed you for years. You have a great strength and so much love in your heart. Your husband Nick was a friend of my step sons. Adam Taylor. And he loved Nick and thought very highly of you. I still remember his grief when his friend passed. It is so nice to see you so happy. Xx

    1. Hi Terry, thank you for taking the time to write to me, so appreciate it!
      As you’d know, Nick and Adam had a very special bond, almost that of an older brother, it was very difficult for Adam, but i’m sure he is grateful for the times they spent together. Nick always wanted the best for him.
      Please say hi to everyone for me!
      Michela xx

  6. miss m.. I was just thinking of you today… 6 years today already… wow! you truly are an amazing woman… hope to catch up soon!

  7. Oh so lovely to hear from you again and even happier to hear how good life is. You were and are incredible, with fabulous words of wisdom as always.

    Thank you x

Comments are closed.