Are they ever really gone?

Welcome back to another post, I was going to title this, “I see dead people’ but opted against it for the less offensive ‘Are they ever really gone?’

As you read along you’ll see what I mean.

Nick has been gone now for 3 years and 10 months, but that’s not to say I haven’t seen him since that time.  I’ll explain further before you start to think i’m some crazy widowed lady with 6 cats and too much time on my hands.

I have over the years seen what i’ll call ‘flashes’ of him. Always at pivotal times since he passed and it has always been a comfort, rather than something scary.

I can never say when he’ll ‘pop’ up, but I can hand on my heart, 100% say, it’s him and not my mind playing tricks on me.

It has become less frequent as time has rolled on, and I know that it’s just his way of checking in and letting me know he is still here for us.

That he does hear our daughter, when she wishes him a goodnight and that he is around when we talk about him and I fill John in on the type of guy he was and the times we had.

I should also mention it’s always when i’m at home and mostly when i’ve been alone.

Mum tells me that I had these type of ‘flashes’ growing up, that I told her I saw my great granddad and described him in detail, though we’d never met when I was about 6 or 7.

And one of my most vivid moments was about 11 years ago, I saw my old childhood dog, who had died years earlier, walk right past my feet at my mum’s place. I calmly told my mum that i’d just seen Socks (he had white paws, get it?) wondering down the hallway, she believed me and didn’t make a big deal out of it.

Next morning, we discovered our beloved blue heeler, Bluey (yes, again we were really bad at  pet names!) had passed away. I’ve always felt that Socks came to get him or maybe it was his way of telling me what was to come the next day, who knows?

I’ve never thought I had some kind of ‘gift’, I still don’t, but I do know Nick and I always had a strong connection from the moment we met, and I think that has continued, even though he is not physically with me anymore.

After he passed, I could always ‘sense’ when he was here, a feeling I would have, and then it would pass and I’d know he was gone. I’d talk to him, say, ‘here again, checking up on us, are you?’ and ‘we’re all good, don’t worry, i’ve got this’.

When my nail polish obsession started to grow, now standing at over 250 in my collection, I would be painting my nails and swear I could hear his disapproval over my shoulder and i’d just laugh and say, ‘you can’t do anything about this now’. You can read about his hate of me wearing nail polish here.

Our daughter would often tell me she ‘saw’ Daddy or he had played with her before bed. And I always believed her, she had no reason to lie. She was only a year old when he died and often i’d find her in her cot laughing away, staring at something, like she was interacting with thin air.

They say children are innocent and have that connection with those that have passed away. She doesn’t talk about seeing him anymore, but she’s nearly 5, so maybe her window has closed.

Or not…last year, my birthday also fell on Father’s Day, lucky me, so I decided to have the family over for dinner. While I was cooking away in the kitchen, I felt his presence and looked up to see Nick standing with a smile on his face at the side door, only a metre or so away from me. As quickly as I saw him, (looking well, I might add!) he was gone. I smiled and continued chopping away.

Our daughter, Claudia  had her back to me, watching TV at the time. I started to talk to her and reminded her that it was Father’s Day today and asked if she’d wished her Dad a ‘Happy Father’s Day’ yet? She often says things out loud to him.

She groaned at having to turn away from her favourite show to face me and said, ‘ok, mum, i’ll do it now’. She jumped off the couch and walked straight over to where i’d just seen Nick, ‘Happy Father’s Day, Dad’ she said to the screen door and then went and plopped herself back on the couch.

Unbelievable!

She had no way of knowing i’d just seen him there, but she must have known somehow that he had been or was still was.

That he had been watching over us, popping in to wish me a happy birthday and to see his little girl on Father’s Day.

I’ve spoken before about the time he visited my nephew to help him sleep in his own big bed, you can catch up on that here. Again, I have no reason to dispute this, these are moments too surreal to pick apart.

And if you knew Nick, you’d know what a control freak he was, always trying to keep a handle on everything.

And then there are the feathers, funny how I never found one in the  house prior to his passing. I’ve had people tell me they must blow in with the wind when we open the door, but really, do you have white feathers popping up all over the place ??

White feathers, carefully placed, where i’ll see them. Again, just a reminder, that he’s watching over us. I have collected them over the years and again, we don’t see as many now, the last was on my wedding day this January, but he knows we’re well and happy once more, so maybe that’s why.

For the record, John has also found these feathers around, and believes in my ‘flashes’ of Nick.

Are they ever really gone?
Photo of Nick and Claudia, and a feather to the left, that we found after she’d seen him the day before.

I’ve even had a call from a close friend of ours who also discovered perfect white feathers in their home, after discussing a huge life change, one they had often talked about with Nick. Like it was his way of weighing in on their decision, we again had to laugh at this, it’s typical Nick!

Once he passed, in those first few months, many of friends would start their conversations with, ‘I don’t know if you believe this but….’ and would tell me something that had happened, that they thought was a ‘sign’ from Nick.

I’d tell them if they thought it was Nick, then it probably was, and would share something that happened to me to make them feel a bit better about what they’d experienced.

So, they didn’t question it so much, and think they were imagining things. We often try and make sense of it, talk ourselves out of believing it could be anything but something logical.

I could go on and on about all the times and ‘things’ that have happened, but I think you get the picture so far.

So, are they ever really gone? I’d love to hear your own stories. I’d love for you to try and dispute mine, but I know what ive seen and felt over the years.

If this hadn’t happened to me, would I be a skeptic about it too? Are some people more open to these experiences than others? Is it just my own spiritual connection with Nick that has allowed me these little insights?

I don’t believe that when you die, that’s it. I think there must be an afterlife or something, or that your spirit can still live on, i’m still not sure.

I’m sure many of you reading along, will be rolling your eyes at this point!

I know that those that have passed are never really gone because they live on through our memories and stories of them. I know whenever I look into my daughter’s eyes, I see Nick and i’m reminded that she was the final, special gift he gave me.

So, even if you  don’t ‘see’ or ‘sense’ your loved ones that have passed, know that you carry them with you in your heart always, and I truly believe they are looking down and aware of all that continues on in our lives.

Maybe even pausing to read the tributes you write to them on Facebook or other social media sites come their anniversaries!

Til next time, Michela xx

Thanks again for reading along, and I know I keep saying i’m winding down soon, but this is really one of the last few, thanks for staying with me so long and allowing me the space to share my stories.

Feel free to continue to share the love and comment, email me and share your own stories of post loss, if you’ve had a similar situation happen!

32 thoughts on “Are they ever really gone?

  1. I just discovered your blog today and love it. I have started a blog, runawaywidow.com after the passing of my husband a few months ago as well. I definitely have had signs from him and had good experiences with readings from Mediums. I’m looking forward to reading through your archives.

    1. Hi Kristin, i’m so sorry for the loss of your husband, please accept my condolences.
      But I am happy to hear you’ve found my blog, i’m going to catch up on yours now too. It’s so nice to read about other widow’s stories and to know we’re not alone. I’m going to start writing again too about my loss and time past it. If there’s anything you’d like to know, just write me. Also happy to hear you’ve had positive readings about your husband, it does bring some comfort, doesn’t it. Hope you’re coping well and doing ok, from one widow to another. Michela xx

  2. Hey , I would like to get in touch with you . I am going through a similar tragic loss and need some help please . Please let me know you email id . Thanks

  3. Hello Michelle last month I lost my fiance who I considered my husband because lawfully we where married although we hadn’t got our marriage license at the time. Our date to get it was suppose to be December 31st. Anyway our life was just beginning. We had just had our daughter July 4 2014. We had just moved to Texas to take over his family home. Things were looking up for us although at the time the transition was kind of hard especially with bills piling up and us being new parents a lot of responsibility we had took on and of course sometime we took it out on each other. But to get to the point my husband was involved in an automobile accident that left him unresponsive in the hospital for 7 days. The doctors pronounced him brain dead December 1. It was the most hardest day of my life. Now I’m a single parent and it hurts that my daughter will never grow up with her father. I haven’t experienced a connection with him since he passed expect in my dreams. One dream I had he was In our living room back in sc where his mom lives watching tv. I had came inside the door and he had told me that his cousin Carmen had told him we had finally meet he was so happy about that because he really wanted to introduce me to her but time got away and we never had the chance. He had also tole me he was going on a long trip and I wouldn’t see him again for a while. He said that I wouldn’t be able to call him at all either. I started to cry but he wiped my tears away and told me that it was going to be okay. After he left I woke up and my heart was at piece. I believe that was his way of telling me he was okay. You see we are believers in Jesus Christ. He recommit ed his life to Christ the week prior to his accident. So I believe he is in heaven. I long for the days that my daughter will tell me she talked to daddy or she played with daddy. Every night before she goes to bed although she is only sic months I tell her to tell daddy that I love him miss him and to give him a big hug and kiss for me.. sometime I find her laughing to while she is by herself in the room looking into thin air. I believe it’s her father. Most of the time I see him our in my dreams. But it’s as if he is still alive. When hhis grandmother passed away 11 months before he did. She had came to be in a dream as well. I never meet her but I seen pictures as well as talked to her on the phone. She told me that everything was going to be alright.the. was during the time I was pregnant and had been spottinf. I was scared I was going to lose my baby. But we didnt.. Also my daughter looks just like her papa and her great grandmother.

  4. I also became a widow in March of 2011. Unlike you, I was able to spend most of my adulthood with the love of my life, nearly 40 years. I’m not an old lady. On the contrary. I made a decision after grieving for nearly a year that I must get on with my life. I met so many wonderful new people and I’ve had incredible experiences with them including sailing in the Bahamas, ski-diving, getting a tattoo, kayaking next to a glacier, and just being so thankful for kind and loving strangers as well as my family and prior friends. I’ve not seen my husband the way you describe except in my dreams. They are remarkably real when they occur. The best one was right before my sons and I scattered his ashes more than a year after he passed. I was able to touch his face and hold him in that dream. Thanks for sharing what is a very private part of your life. Good luck to you in your future. From what I’ve read on your blogs briefly, it sounds like you may have found another wonderful man whom you married.

    1. Hi Chris,
      Firstly, im sorry for your loss, 2011 was a tough year for us both, but i’m so impressed with the life you have led since becoming a widow. It’s the same positive mindset, I have gained since also becoming widowed. I truly believe we need to live and enjoy the lives we have, and you are a true example of that! Yes, I have remarried, earlier this year and ‘im in a place of real contentment and calm in my life. While i’ll never forget Nick, time does move forward and we do our best to keep up with it.
      Michela xx

  5. Michela, thank you for sharing this beautiful post. Although I have not been fortunate to encounter the wonderful experiences you’ve been having with your late husband (I have loved and lost numerous people throughout my lifetime), nonetheless no eye rolling here. I believe you!
    I am in awe at the way you approach life, the way you are able to turn a ‘negative’ into a ‘positive’ (even after losing your first husband at a very young age). I admire your honesty, your ‘down to earth’ approach and absolutely love your great sense of humour (you truly crack me up).
    Thank you for making a difference to many people. You are a very special and unique person. Wishing you abundant blessings.
    xoxoxo

    1. Oh thank you Maree for your beautiful message, you are too kind. Thank you also for reading along and being such a support. I do try and look at things in a positive way, I think it’s served me well to do so, especially through those crap times. As i’ve always said, I don’t think i’m special, i’m just trying to make the best out of a truly saddening situation. I could have gone the other way and did the whole ‘woe is me’ but honestly its not something I ever could. Thank you for thinking so well of me, lots of love to you xxxxxxx

  6. hi,
    I would love some proof of life after death. My mum died very suddenly 19 years ago. I miss her deeply. She used to visit me in dreams. She would say I can only stay for 20 minutes. I would hug her and I could feel every part of her, every muscle and bone, it was so real. Like no other dream I have had.
    I have now got incurable breast cancer. I am nowhere near terminal but it will get me one day. I would love to have the reassurance that my mum will be there to meet me. It makes me so scared that she might not be.
    Lindy x

  7. With you on every part of this xx I too get feathers, feelings, dreams Chris is guiding me and giving me strength since his passing in 2011.
    ‘True love waits’ xx

  8. Beautiful beautiful post, Michela….and as ever, I’m totally with you! What a lovely collection of stories, especially the one on fathers’ day!…I too am often sensing my mum and have had other similar experiences over the years (& with my old dog too!)…After my mum died and I drove back to her house from the hospice I had the STRONGEST sense that our relationship had just ‘transformed’ and not ‘ended’. I had such a clear voice in my head (that I often wonder if it was hers) telling me that she hadn’t gone at all…just changed form…and that I’d just have to get used a new kind of relationship – one that maybe didn’t involve physically being with her anymore but that was just as strong as before. Again, I know a lot of people would have an eye-rolling frenzy with all that (lol)…but frankly – I don’t care…it feels so right instinctively to me, that’s all that matters. Thanks again for letting us in on some lovely moments…lots of love xx

    1. Hi Angela, yes, I can totally agree with you on this, I too just feel as though my relationship with Nick continues just in a different form, like we will forever be spiritually connected, just like you and your mum. Thank you for sharing that story and thought with me. Sometimes people look at me strange when I tell them Nick is still apart of our family, but i’m sure you understand that. I’m sure your mum is still hanging around with you too, looking over your shoulder as you write new posts about her. xxxx

  9. No eye rolling here. Totally believe they are around, at least now and then. I believe I can sense Mike at times…I also get all kinds of “signs” I don’t even really tell anyone about, except maybe his daughters…we get it. We believe he comes around, in various ways. And, it is comforting. Hugs to you. Thank you for sharing everything you have here. I will miss it when there are no more…but, I will know you are out there, living your life. xoxo hugs.

    1. Hi Stephanie, I knew you’d be on board with this post. Isn’t it nice to know they are communicating still with us in some way, I know I find it a great comfort. And I agree, sometimes it’s something that only you get, that you just know is them, but would sound foolish to anyone not in the same situation or who didnt know them well.
      Thank you for always reading along and writing me! xx

  10. My husband had now been gone for 6 weeks and one day. I believe every word you’ve said in this post. Feathers have come out of no where for us as well (: I also had a dream just a week after he passed that I now know was called a “visitation dream”. It was real. He was about 20. And as I fell to my knees crying because I now knew all this was just a dream, cause here he was. And he was just smiling at me while I was crying. His way of letting me know that while I was hurting, he was happy and okay. I wish I could attach a picture to this cause something else happened that I can’t explain without a picture!! 🙁 if you email me I will send the picture to anyone who would like to see a true awesome sign from my husband. (: kolbeyraglin@gmail.com

    1. This would happen with my Mum. She would tell me that she could only stay for 20 minutes. We would hug and it was so real!! It gave me hope that I would see her again.

      1. Hi Lindy, I have no doubt your mum would meet you when your time comes, though i’m sending all my positive thoughts your way, that it’s not for a very long time. I love that you would have those dreams with her, I had a few of those at the beginning also, such a great comfort. Especially as you wake and realise you can almost still feel them. Thank you so much for sharing that story with me, I am a true believer. xxxx

    2. Hi Kolbey, how are you travelling? I hope you are finding much comfort in your husbands ‘signs’ to you, I know I always love finding feathers from mine. And the visualisation dream is so real, I had several of these in the beginning and I took the same message, the don’t cry for me, I am well and happy. I would love to see what else is happening, email me at thepolishedwidow@gmail.com
      Let me know how you’re going!
      xxx

  11. It’s very comforting to feel their presence around us and I do believe we do. I don’t get the visual flashes that you do—just the feeling that my husband is there—but I do believe some people have those gifts. My dad did. You chose well with your second husband, that he is so understand and open to you being able to talk about that connection to your daughter’s father and great love in your past.

    1. Hi Jean, yes, I think it’s a great comfort to us to still ‘feel’ their presence and I always had the feeling he was so happy with my choice of my new husband, probably because he knows how sweet and supportive he is. Never once telling me to get over it or that I was dreaming it all up. Takes a special kind of man to be so accepting.

  12. Loved this so much Michela and something’s are just too “coincidental” for it to not be true. You know some of my stories but obviously not all. It’s always hard when I dream about people that have passed but I’ve actually never met. For example – my friends mum, father etc. it’s happened more than once and I never know how to tell my friend. Is it rude? Is it not welcome? But their father/mother/friend honestly sends me a direct message to tell them- how can I keep it to myself?! A serious “can you please tell them this” It’s not my message to keep I usually tell them, irregardless if they think I’m crazy or not! Haha. Just before my Nonno passed (we were all in the hospital) I walked into the room and the whole room smelt like flowers, like an overwhelming perfume too strong to ignore! I asked if anyone sprayed anything but they all said no. I couldn’t believe how strong it was but I was the only person who could smell it! The nurse (who I think was spiritually inclined) told me it means the Angels are around to take him and he’ll be gone soon, next thing you know, my Nono passed with all of us there. I always dream about a friend before they lose a loved one (I dreamt of my Nona and she was crying) the following day, she was crying about her friend that passed. So many stories! We will have to talk more about this next time k see you 🙂

    Your post made me a bit teary, but in a good way. I think it’s amazing that you can sense Nick around, and I love that he is still a control freak even though he is no longer “here”.. I still can’t believe Claudia did that!!

    That’s enough from me,

    Hope you’re well Mickles xx

    1. oh Kars, you always had ‘the gift, for as long as ive known you. I bet your other friends all know that about you too, I agree though, you absolutely have to tell them what you see in your dreams, even if they don’t believe, I think one day they’ll reflect on it and see it what it all meant. Sometimes it takes time to click. And what a beautiful story about your Nonno crossing over, I totally believe that can happen, i’m sure angels must smell sweet right? I don’t think they are sweaty from time at the gym before their official duties. Lol! I always love hearing your stories, let’s exchange some more next catch up!! xxxxxx

  13. another great post, even though ive heard these stories before I still got goose bumps from the first line. I love hearing stories like this! it must be so comforting knowing his still around checking in on u guys. im sure he would be so proud of how far u have come, the strength u have gained, the beautiful daughter u have brought up and the new love and happiness you have found… he knows u deserve it all. good luck for ur future adventures xoxoxo

    1. Thank you Sel, people come into your life for a reason and i’m sure Nick nudged me towards you, you are one of the most loyal, sincere and sweet people I know.
      Thank you for your ongoing support and love xxxx

  14. I was always confident that Nick watched over me as I drove home way too late, after too much pizza and possibly too much wine. It was only until I was literally on the home stretch that I felt I was on my own, giving me 1 minute of responsibility! Of all the times, only once did I get a red light at St. Nektarios — to let a police car ahead of me! #thanksnick xx

  15. I believe. One day was sitting in my lounge talking about nick with a good friend of mine, she told me that he is around in spirit and I should talk to him, then suddenly the front door just opened all the way….problem is my front door is jammed and to open and close it you need to put a great deal of force behind it. There was no wind that night , it was a calm still night,,,,the door just opened slowly and all the way. My friend and I just looked at each other, I was speechless saying, that’s impossible ,how did the door open so quietly without any force? My friend looked at me and said that was your brother letting you know that he is around you……I will never forget that moment…I have never mentioned this to anyone until now, but I do believe xxxxxxx

    1. Hey Mary, thank you so much for sharing that story with me, of course it was Nick, just a friendly reminder that he is around and is always there for you.
      He wants to see you happy and well and i’m sure he is so proud of how you have been trying so hard to be strong and a good support to mum and dad too. We get stronger as time moves on, he wants that for us.
      Love you lots xxxx

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