On the 3rd anniversary of his death

Today is the 5th February 2014, it’s the third anniversary of my husband Nick’s death to cancer. But instead of being sad, I prefer to look back on life and the person he was. I’ve thought this way since the day he died, refusing to let it define me and our daughter. As i’ve always said, ‘we aren’t special because this happened to us, it just did.’ I’ve learnt to look at the silver lining and how much our lives have changed since that day. On the up side, i have re-married, (3 weeks just past, thankyou very much!!) I have a wonderful husband, who adores my daughter, as much as he does me. He isn’t threatened by my past and the husband I talk so much about. Below is a photo of our wedding day:

My wedding 11th Jan 2014
My wedding 11th January, 2014

So, now i’ll have to separate the two into hubby 1. and hubby 2, so you can keep up!

But Nick, h1, was the most inspirational person I’ve ever known, and had the pleasure of sharing my life with. He saw potential in me, when I couldn’t, and pushed me out of my comfort zone, both mentally and physically. (The guy was gym crazy and would try and instill the same in me..but that one he didn’t get his way with!) He was a determined guy, when an injury at work led to 6 months recovery at home, he decided on his return, that he would try his luck in the office instead. And he did, crazily working up the corporate ladder, to be the youngest manager ever, but that was how he rolled with everything. (Always the overachiever!) And while he never got a university degree, he bought books and would sit up in bed reading all night, just so he could look intelligent and use big words in meetings. He was always the best at whatever he did, or at least, he gave you the impression he was. So, even when a massive nerve injury, could have had him on compensation the rest of his days, he instead turned his tragedy into a positive and I’ve done the same with his passing.

Us enjoying one of the perks of his job!
Us enjoying one of the perks of his job

I’m so grateful to have had him in my life, that I can’t see his passing as a bad thing, but just as something that had to happen. I have grown and learnt from this person, who was so wise beyond his years, his favourite pastime was telling everyone how they should live their lives. (This drove my girlfriends nuts at times, but somehow, they all accepted this was just him.) In fact, 3 years later, we still ask ourselves, ‘what would Nick say?’

The way he reacted when given the news he had terminal cancer and would die in 6 months, was a testament to his character. He didn’t let it faze him, instead he wrote lists of things I would need to do when he was gone and set about securing our funds and property, so I wouldn’t have to worry. Again, how grateful am I, for having a husband so organised, even when facing death head on! Some may say, it was his way of coping, but honestly, it was just his way, sick or not! The next day after we found out his news, he purchased a video camera, and would talk to our daughter on it, so she’d have something to remember him by. (Again, very annoying for others, but what a gift for her one day!) He told me to re-marry, and only return to work if it was to do something I love, because life is short and he only ever wanted us to be happy.

I could write all day about him and what he was like, but this is just a snap shot of the kind of guy he was, so again, how can I be sad about being able to live some of my life, with such an ambitious, determined, loving and sincere person. I can only live my life now, knowing I was lucky enough to have, at least, spent 10 years with him.

Our wedding 22nd January, 2005
Our wedding 22nd January, 2005

Do you feel this way about a partner that has passed?

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!

4 thoughts on “On the 3rd anniversary of his death

  1. My partner died suddenly 2 weeks ago today. He was there one minute, and gone the next.

    There are no words for how I feel. I’m reasons this blog so that I can get an idea of what to expect in the future. He was such an amazing person. I just can’t understand this.

    1. Hi Tania, firstly im so sorry for your loss and secondly, im sorry for my tardiness in replying to you.I hadn’t logged onto my blog for a short while. I hope you have been ok since writing me orginally, and I can only hope you found some comfort in my blog, though everyone’s path of grief is different. I am looking to begin writing again, so if there is something you’d like to ask, please just write me. Unfortunately, we never know why things like this happen, but do know in time, things will heal. Be patient with yourself. Sending you much love, Michela xx

  2. I’ve just stumbled across your blog when looking for inspiration. My beyond brilliant and incredibly gorgeous husband (28) has just been delivered the news that his brain tumour could limit his life to ?8 years or less than a year depending on how well he copes with his first block of therapy which ends around the due date of our first baby.
    I love your positivity. though, I’m only on your 2nd blog post and it seems years on, I can’t imagine that come easy.
    I look forward to getting through you’d blog and using your situation as something to think about and focus on in the time we have heading to quickly towards us.

    1. Hi Kate, thank you so much for writing to me and for your kind words, I too hope you are able to draw strength from my blog post, and that you and your husband are able to remain positive throughout his treatment. I’m so sorry to hear of his diagnosis, but celebrate the good times and your love for each other everyday, which im sure you already do!
      Fingers crossed for you, that with the birth of your first child also comes the news that he has responded well to treatment.
      I’m sending all my positive thoughts and vibes your way, good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy and please feel free to write me anytime. Much love, Michela x

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