Its been another year, now 6 years since Nick passed away, aged 32 from pancreatic cancer.
But here I sit 6 years on since Nick’s passing and I’m ok, actually I’m more than ok. I’m sitting on my couch, with the TV on in the background, as I watch my two girls play with my husband, and even though my youngest is sick and is sneezing snot across the room, like literally!
Life is actually great.
Yet, 6 year ago, as I sat in this exact room, life looked a lot more grim. I’d just lost my husband to cancer, a word I’d barely thought of 8 months earlier and in what felt like the blink of an eye, my world changed.
From happily married with a newborn to 30 year widow and single mum.
How did that happen to me?!?
As optimistic and positive as we had been during his illness, this was the great unknown. The other side of Nick being sick.
What happens now?
I wish I could travel back in time 6 years, to have a chat with myself and say it’s going to be ok and better than you could imagine.
In 6 years, I have married again to a man I adore and have 2 beautiful girls, our youngest is turning two next month.
In 6 years I’ve lost friends and gained new ones, I’ve gone back to work and left again. I’ve gotten used to making school lunches and doing the school run. I’ve purchased more OPI nail polishes than I care to admit and I’ve realised how lucky my kids are to have three lots of grandparents who love them so deeply.
And I’ve learnt more about myself and my coping mechanisms than I thought possible.
For the record, I’m a ‘make inappropriate jokes when times a tough’ type of gal and I can’t cry on cue when it’s expected ie.funerals.
So, you might not be able to see into your future or time travel, but it will always be ok, maybe a different version of your normal but that will be ok too.
I was given a quote by the author Charles R. Swindoll in the time following Nick’s death that really spoke to me and I try and live by daily;
‘We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, our attitude. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.’
And you don’t have to have lost a partner to relate to this, but just ultimately how you react to any situation thrown at you, whether the loss of a loved one or even being cut off in traffic, is what will change the course of your life or even just your day.
Staying positive is key.
I still get emails from widows all over the world asking me if they’re going to be ok again, or telling me how my little ol’blog helped them see into their own futures again.
I am forever humbled reading these emails, thank you for taking the time to write and if you have any questions, you can email me below and i’ll be sure to reply as best I can.
Even if it’s been a year since I wrote, this blog just seems to gain momentum and I feel like i’m being pulled back to my laptop to write.
This week also marks a year since my last post, (wow, where did 2016 go?!?) so I’ll give you a thinly veiled promise to continue writing. I have ideas that keep me up at night. Paragraphs that form in my mind as I try to fall asleep, so I think you might see me pop up again very soon.
Or subscribe, if you’d like an email reminder when I write next.
I think a piece about not being judge-y, (yes, i know that’s not a real word), should be coming shortly.
Til next time, Michela x