Goodbye for now, but first an update.

Hello again to everyone still reading along and welcome back after my 3 week writing hiatus.

It’s mostly been due to the fact I have put off writing this, my last post, but now I feel like the time has finally come.

To everyone who has written me or stopped me in the street (or more accurately shopping centers) to ask me to keep writing, I want to especially say thank you for your support and encouraging words.

You told me to keep writing about my current life, my new husband (are we still newlyweds, if we married in January?), my love of nail polish, just anything you say, you just want to keep reading!

I’m so touched that anyone, apart from my family, would want to know anything more about little ol’ me!

I still hold to the fact, that i’m nothing special, i’m just making the most of the cards i’ve been dealt and keeping up with life moving forward, since Nick’s passing in 2011.

But, onto the main reason why i’ve decided to end these posts, for a while anyway.

I’m Pregnant…23 weeks along!

While being pregnant, with child, up the duff, bearing the fruit of our love (does anyone actually use that term?!?) doesn’t make me brain dead, I have decided to focus my energy instead, on becoming a second time mum and enjoying the precious time with my beautiful daughter and husband, before our family expands once more.

(Oh, and freaking out about making room in our house for this precious cargo i’ve got on board. My daughter has accumulated so much stuff in her 5 years!)

But being pregnant is a bittersweet time for me.

Of course, i’m overjoyed to be able to add to our family, and my husband is equally as excited, it marks a new beginning for us, but, it also reminds me of this time 5 years ago and how excited Nick was to become a Dad and how short lived it was for him.

He came to every obstetrician’s appointment, heck, he even researched which obstetrician we would use! He would write down questions to ask her prior to our appointments and check in with me 20 times a day to see how I was feeling. He hated me catching public transport to work and would drive and pick me up most days, he also insisted I finish up work 10 weeks prior to my due date to get some rest and me time. And then while I was home, he would try and come home for lunch during the day, to sit with me and talk to my tummy.

To say he was excited, would be an understatement.

Anyone who knew Nick, would remember how much he couldn’t wait to be a Dad. But, it was also at this time, his symptoms first flared up so, along with the excitement of having our first child, came the concern for his health and the fact that nothing was making him feel well anymore.

Little did we know then, the severity of what was to come, but it was just the beginning of his health issues.

He already had pancreatic cancer eating away at his cells, slowly dwindling down his days left with us.

Goodbye for now, but first an update
Nick with Claudia (2 days old) Look how happy they both are!
and my not so little baby now
and my not so little baby now..

Nick would have continued to be a great Dad, of that I have no doubt. I’m so grateful he was able to have a taste of Fatherhood, before he passed. I think it added to his contentment before he died.

So you can understand how much I have thought of Nick during this time, but here comes the clincher, my baby is actually due on Nick’s birthday, March 16.

I know, it’s incredible, unbelievable even….I couldn’t have planned it if I had tried!

I think it’s just Nick’s way of telling me he is still around and that he will continue to look after us, and this new little one forever more.

When I tell people my due date, i’m usually met with silence, like they can’t quite believe it. Honestly, it took a while for it to sink in with me too, but I find it comforting.

With every scan i’ve had, the date of March 16 has never changed. I’ve told my husband, that we’ll just circle the hospital that day, because knowing Nick, I bet I actually go into labour on March 16, just so we can keep another reminder of him close.

That’s just Nick for you, always in control, that was just his nature. I have no concerns for myself or my baby, during this pregnancy, because I know Nick is here with us, every step of the way.

You could call it a coincidence, but I know better than that, this has Nick written all over it!

And now onto my goodbye.

I can’t thank you all enough for your ongoing support since I began this blog, back in January this year. While it wasn’t first written for public viewing, it quickly took off once it made its debut on Facebook (thanks to Antoinette and a 7am phone call that caught me off guard!) and it hasn’t slowed down since, clocking up over 63,000 views, which is just crazy!!!

And while, it hasn’t garnered me international fame, a telemovie, a book deal, a place on the blogs to read in 2014 list, or even my own sitcom – I pitch “The Polished Widow” as the show to watch in 2017.

I have achieved so much more than any of that.

In sharing my story, I have connected with so many others in similar situations who have written me to say, how hearing from another young widow has helped them stay sane. I have heard from people who just need a positive boost or kick in the pants to realise how good they really have it.

This blog has changed the lives and behaviours of so many, who write me and tell me about their epiphanies while reading along. It has enabled them to be better friends, parents, and just nicer people in general.

While it may not be the cure for World Peace, just knowing I have touched those individuals reading along, warms my heart and makes me want to do a happy dance, even with my little belly now.

I have re-connected with old friends through my writing and also with Nick’s colleagues, who have shared stories of him with me. That without this blog I may never have been in touch with.

I have also made new friends, from all over the world, who have sent me words of encouragement, support and who actually think i’m inspirational! ย Who fill their emails with such nice things to say about me, i’m often blushing as I read them, mostly thinking they must be writing about someone else, it’s all so nice and humbling!

And to all those out there, who have said, I have over shared my personal moments with strangers, to that I say, to be able to connect and bring comfort to a young widow across the world through my posts, has made this all worthwhile.

Because I remember what it was like to be a widow with no one in a similar situation, the closest thing I had was my widowed 82 year old grandma!

Nick wanted his story told and I think i’ve done it justice.

Nick will never be forgotten, not just by me, but by so many others. He was an all round good guy, who enjoyed his life up til the end. He changed my life for the better and i’ll be forever grateful that he picked me to spend his short life with.

Nick gave so much of himself to others, he left such a lasting impression on those who knew him, and now through this blog, even strangers he never met.

I do want to give a special thanks to my family and friends (you know who you are!) and most importantly to my husband John, for his continued support in me writing this blog. He is a true gentleman and i’m so lucky to be able to spend the rest of my life with him. Just don’t die on me, I don’t want to start The Polished Widow – part 2! (sorry for the widow humour!)

So, that’s it for now, I can’t say thank you enough. I won’t say this is the last post forever, if the urge strikes, I will write again and of course, there may just be a baby update come March 2015!

Thank you again,

Michela xxx

If for some reason you have just cottoned on to my blog, you may want to start at the beginning here and read your way through, for all this to make any sense!

27 thoughts on “Goodbye for now, but first an update.

  1. I am so sorry. I can only imagine being in your shoes. We are pryniag and hoping for you and your children. Are there any adult adoptees nearby that you think might be good as a “mentor” for LB? I’m just trying to imagine my own little guy (almost 6, adopted at age 2 with an attachment disorder) going through this and what might help to ease the transition. He’s a “push all the right buttons” sort of child too so I know what you mean, though our toughest challenges have been adding a baby or the beginning/end of school. My thoughts are with you, hoping it will all come together somehow.

  2. I am just dropping by to wish you all the very best for the future – i have enjoyed reading your blog and it has been inspiring this past year – my first year of widowhood as hubby died aged 37 of cancer last July. People say that the second year is worst – i sincerely hope it isnt – surely nothing can be as hideous as those early raw days. I write my own blog too – i try to focus on positive thoughts although it is very honest too about my journey this year. I will share it with you incase someone else lands here and it may help early on. Wishing you a new future with your family and lots of happiness and continued hope xxx

    1. Hi Liz,
      I’m so sorry for my tardy reply, im so glad you found my blog and in turn that I have found yours, we have much in common. Your writing is so beautiful and raw and honestly, makes me feel like I could have written it myself. (Though you are a much better writer!) The thoughts are the same, the feelings are real, I can see how other widows like ourselves can relate, which is all we really want, someone who understands but isnt all doom and gloom. Love that we can see the positive side to life. As for second year, I found that nothing could trump the pain of the first, so if you can get through that unscathed, you’re doing ok. Though I am sorry for your loss, cancer sucks!
      Sending all my love from Australia to South Wales xxx

  3. I am happy for you..,but one thing I noticed..
    this joyous occassion belongs to you and your husband..
    but I read a constant link of this child, to your late husband.
    Its just something I noticed right off the bat, with not much being said about dad.
    I am sorry for your loss…..i was pregnant when my daughters dad killed himself, so i truly do understand, more than you know.

  4. Oh gosh! I’ve just realised now why I hadn’t heard from you for a while!!! Woweee Mississippi!!… Congratulations! How wonderful. I can well imagine it’s normal to feel that element of bittersweet about Nick and his absence. But just how wonderful for the due date to be his birthday – that simply MUST be his doing! Good for you – time to take time for you now, and this new life (which Nick is still very much a part of… just in a different way). There’s a new story starting! Thanks so much for your touching, honest, funny blogs – I’m so pleased I’ve met you through them… and all the way across the other side of the world too!.. and do keep in touch and let us know about the baby etc. Not long now!!! Sending lots of love to you all xxx

  5. I will miss you so very, very much. I lost my beloved brother to pancreatic cancer. Four months later, my Dad died of prostate cancer and 4 weeks later, my beautiful Mother died of breast cancer. Sadly I had already lost a younger brother to lung cancer several years earlier. This sounds silly, but when my dog also died of cancer shortly after my Mom, I just about lost it, but then I found you. Your strength, honesty and humor inspired me in ways you will never know. Thank you for being you. Bless you and your precious new family.

  6. Whoop whoop! A massive congrats to you all….of course your baby is due March 16 lol.!! Have fun and best wishes to you xx

  7. Congratulations on your coming second baby. Thank you for sharing your experience. It has been so touching to read what you have gone through. Best wishes for the future!

  8. Oh Michela I am overjoyed for you! Yours is such a poignant story. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing what you have…and yes I’ll join the club in wanting to hear how things go, but I totally get your needing to dig in to this new chapter. That your baby is due on Nick’s birthday surely cannot be coincidence. And btw mine is March 15. Pisces are good people. Congratulations to you all. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Would just like you to know just how much I have enjoyed reading your posts. I have laughed and I have cried ……..
    I am so very happy to hear your wonderful news and would like to wish you every happiness possible. I look forward to another update whenever you are ready to share your life with us all again.
    Thank you again

  10. congratulations to you all the baby news is fantastic! I hope that u will write to us all again I have really enjoy reading your blogs and can’t thank you enough for sharing this story with us and making people all around the world realise that life is to short and to enjoy every monent. Good luck with happy and amazing times ahead. Hope to hear from you soon xx

  11. Dear Michela, I’m so excited for you I can’t type apparently!

    Firstly, congratulations!!! This is is the most amazing news! I am so happy for you and your family. The March 16th thing…. you know that is absolutely not a coincidence!!! This is a meant to be. I’ll be surprised if your new baby isn’t born on March 16th. (By the way Arielle’s birthday is March 15th…weird huh?)

    Second, although I will really miss reading your wonderful blog…. good on you! You got Nick’s story out and people loved it! You hopefully purged yourself of a lot of words and emotions you needed to let go of… Stop for awhile and enjoy your life, your family your new found peace. If the mood hits you again, or if Nick has more to say, you’ll write about it again.

    Best of luck and please let us know how you’re doing over the next few months especially after the baby is born.

    Respect Michaela.

    Love, Melissa

  12. Fantastic news Michela congrats to you all and thank you so very much for your blog much happiness to you and your family xx

  13. Well what can I say I feel sadness, loss and like I am losing a friend. I have loved reading all your blogs and your story of becoming a widow, single mum, coping with grief, having such patience and amazing sense of humour at the insensitivity of other people. I was so glad when you met and fell in love again and I am sure Nick is saying that March 16th was a day of such sorrow it will now be a day of tremendous joy. We know you will never forget Nick but I am sure it’s his way of saying let this be a day of blessing and joy. I pray you never write the polish widow 2 Lord forbid.
    I will miss your blogs but I pray you have peace joy happiness and a wonderful new life as a new mum and Claudia will love having a brother or sister I am sure she be an amazing big sister. Though I must admit as I am 54 I don’t envy you the sleepless nights, nappy changing and teething but I am confident as a new little unit together you will all sail through it. All my love, blessings, prayers and I truely hope you have a fantastic future lots of love Chritine Flannery xxx

  14. Michela,

    Congratulations ! I’m so greatful for everything you have done with this blog. You and all of your family are a blessing to this world.

    I truly believe that there is some devine intervention here with your due date as well !
    I think I told you my story about how I knew Darlene and I were going to cross paths. This kind of thing is no accident or coincidence.

    With all the fan mail you’ll surely be receiving now by the time you get to this post I’ll be taking a page out of your story and be getting engaged to a wonderful woman named Tamela. She and I are also talking about starting our family soon after marriage. We are also talking about how best to honor in our house my marriage to Darlene (19 + yrs).
    Tamela believes that without my successful marriage to Darlene there would be no relationship between she and I now.

    Will miss reading your posts. With everything there is a season and now it’s time for you to transition into your next season. I know you will savor and enjoy every moment as well as make awesome memories.

    Thanks again.

    Doug McKinney

  15. i am so happy to hear your baby news Michela! It feels like you gave come full circle.
    Many thanks for sharing your life with me.
    Enjoy your baby.
    With love
    Lindy xx

  16. Dear Michela, congratulations on the wonderful and exciting news! Sooo happy for you – you deserve the best! You have touched so many people’s lives, brought comfort to many and joy to others with your ‘wicked’ sense of humour (lol). You are truly an inspiration! Sharing your story has indeed brought awareness to many people (myself included) to appreciate and be grateful for we have and not take anything for granted. One never knows ‘what’s around the corner’!!
    Thank you so much for everything that you’ve done. I hope you realise what a difference you’ve made!! I’m going to miss reading your blog and I hope you’ll be able to resume writing at some stage in the future.
    Wishing you, John, Claudia and your baby abundant blessings. Take care, Maree xox

  17. Wow, talk about bittersweet! What a perfect way to describe this post. maybe you need to start another blog with the accent of your new family life and motherhood the second time around? You’re too good of a writer not to have that like of outlet in your life. And let us know if you do that. But I do understand you need to move on, and direct your energy to the future, not the past. Congratulations and I hope the new baby comes on its due date. I think that is a happy coincident (if it is one and I tend to think it’s not) that will help turn a sad day of the year into a good one.

  18. A huge congratulations to you, John, and Claudia in your pregnancy Michela! That is such exciting news with a very fitting due date for bub. I couldn’t be happier for you! However, it is sad to read that this was your last post. I do hope to keep reading some more in the very near future and am very much looking forward to hearing the news of the arrival of your new baby. All the very best of luck to you!

  19. You finished on such a POLISHED note ๐Ÿ™‚ but we wouldn’t have expected anything less from you. You are an amazing woman with an amazing family. thank you for sharing your darkest days and sharing the life of NICK. we are sorry for your loss but soooo happy that not only have you found a new love and lease on life, but soooo excited about this new addition to come on march 16th ๐Ÿ™‚ may this new chapter in your life be a long, happy, prosperous one….create new happy memories…..all the best and cant wait to meet the little one xoxoxo

  20. Dear Michela, thank you very much for this very fine last post again !!! What a wonderful news that you’re pregnant again !!! and then the date the baby is due… u n b e l i e v a b l e !!! Please take very well care of yourself and your family and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy as there is no greater gift in live than getting a child I think !! Very fine wishes from Belgium, Veerle xxx

  21. From one widow to another. Thank you for sharing everything.
    How incredibly exciting and Many Congratulations.
    Please do let us know all the news on 16th March! xx

  22. The polished widow will remain in our hearts and on our mind forever. Nicks memory will forever remain alive and I cannot thank you enough for that. Reading I laughed, I cried, but most of all I was so proud xxxxxx you are a wonderful sister in law, and I thank you for all you have done to keep me going and remembering my brother as he was ,not just who he became when cancer took over. Xxxx

  23. Congratulations to you both and to sister Claudia! Exciting!

    Thank you for sharing Nick’s story, and yours and Claudia’s as well. I’m proud of you for having the courage and hitting publish, from way back when you first posted and I met you in the online group!

    1. Congrats to both of you I wish you all the luck for the future and we all still miss Nick he was a wonderfully man and it’s not fair that he went so young may he retain peace xxxxx

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