Tag Archives: I’m back

What i’ve learnt from 6 months off social media

Hello There, it’s been such a long while….i’ll just give you a sec to remember who I am, because honestly it feels so long since I last sat down to write (7 Months but who’s counting)…… so in case you’re still scratching you’re head, I’ll add a couple of my most popular posts below so you can recollect your thoughts, including my last post:

7 years on

Back to the beginning

The widow wore a little black dress

All caught up, good!

Now onto today; some of you may already know but earlier this year I began a self imposed social media break. It kind of happened suddenly one day and then continued on. I never planned to be ‘off’ for so long, but it became a sort of game with myself to see how long I could go and honestly, it actually became easier as the weeks, then months rolled by and suddenly the app on my phone didn’t hold the pull it once did and I was no longer tempted to ‘just check in…again’.

And by social media, for me primarily it was Instagram that was my poison, though I avoided Facebook during this time also.

It mostly began due to a death in our family of my dear grandmother, a true matriarch in every sense of the word. She died suddenly and unexpectedly on the 9th February, which coincidentally was only 4 days past Nick’s 7 year anniversary of his death, and also my grandfather’s 10 year anniversary on the 12th February, so yeah, a great week for my family!

It was during this time that I started the social media break almost unintentionally, as I was spending quality time with my family and just wasn’t checking in on instagram, so a day turned into 2 and before I knew it, it had been 4 weeks!

So here we are 6 Months later and I felt it was the perfect time to jump back on and a chance to share my thoughts on my time away.

Starting with:

1) I found I missed so many birthdays, anniversaries and just special dates in general. Because guess what, I can’t actually remember when all my friends kids birthdays are, or even how old they’re turning! I realised I used Instagram to remind me. As generally i’d forget til i’d see them post their own ‘happy birthday’ and boom i’d remember. Without Instagram, i’ve been left feeling guilty because i’ve forgotten a birthday/special occasion more than once. Guess i’m back to writing them down in my calendar instead now! #oldschoolstyle

2) I missed holiday snaps and cute pics. In my break from social media it meant I actually missed quite a few pics, that I would ordinarily have liked to see. E.g winning an award at school, trips away and cute pics of pets etc. but on the plus side, I also missed all the posts that made me roll my eyes, you know what I’m talking about, we’ve all got ‘those’ friends/accounts we follow.

3) I got back some mental space. I found before my break, any time I would have a few minutes (ok, seconds..) spare, I’d be jumping onto Instagram! I’d even be standing in the queue at my grocery store waiting my turn and i’d reach for my phone and start scrolling, like why was that even necessary?!?

Probably because the person in front of me was doing the same thing, right?

4) I was constantly reminding people that I was ‘off’ social media. It went a little like this:

’Did you see the post on…..’

’You know I’m off social media right now..’

’really, still?!?…I thought you’d be back by now’

Or I felt I’d have to work into conversations the fact I was off social media so no one was offended that I hadn’t liked their photos or commented on something that I should have seen.

Because we all know, if it wasn’t on social media, did it really even happen?

5) Ultimately I discovered that I didn’t really miss it that much, especially as time passed by, though I did start to miss my daily dose of inspiration from my baking, cooking and nail art accounts, I definitely didn’t miss the photoshopped posts of perfectly curated lives. So boring, right?

And while I have never been huge on posting everything in my life, (I’m mostly forgetting to take the photos!) I’m looking forward to sharing some more pics and catching up on what everyone else has been up to, while also adding to The Polished Widow Instagram page, which you are welcome to follow!

But, now i’m off to try and find my Instagram password, because i’m sure I’ve been locked out of my accounts by now!

I look forward to connecting with you again on my socials soon, well…until my next break anyway!

Til then,

Michela xx

Please send me an email and let me know if you’ve taken any time off social media lately, i’d love to hear from you!

My girls

6 years on..

Its been another year, now 6 years since Nick passed away, aged 32 from pancreatic cancer.

If you haven’t read my last post, you can find it here, I wrote it a year ago and if you don’t know who I am or what I’m talking (writing?!) about you can start by reading this.

But here I sit 6 years on since Nick’s passing and I’m ok, actually I’m more than ok. I’m sitting on my couch, with the TV on in the background, as I watch my two girls play with my husband,  and even though my youngest is sick and is sneezing snot across the room, like literally!

Life is actually great.

Yet, 6 year ago, as I sat in this exact room, life looked a lot more grim. I’d just lost my husband to cancer, a word I’d barely thought of 8 months earlier and in what felt like the blink of an eye, my world changed.

From happily married with a newborn to 30 year widow and single mum.

How did that happen to me?!?

As optimistic and positive as we had been during his illness, this was the great unknown. The other side of Nick being sick.

What happens now?

I wish I could travel back in time 6 years, to have a chat with myself and say it’s going to be ok and better than you could imagine.

In 6 years, I have married again to a man I adore and have 2 beautiful girls, our youngest is turning two next month.

In 6 years I’ve lost friends and gained new ones, I’ve gone back to work and left again. I’ve gotten used to making school lunches and doing the school run. I’ve purchased more OPI nail polishes than I care to admit and I’ve realised how lucky my kids are to have three lots of grandparents who love them so deeply.

And I’ve learnt more about myself and my coping mechanisms than I thought possible.

For the record, I’m a ‘make inappropriate jokes when times a tough’ type of gal and I can’t cry on cue when it’s expected ie.funerals.

So, you might not be able to see into your future or time travel, but it will always be ok, maybe a different version of your normal but that will be ok too.

I was given a quote by the author Charles R. Swindoll in the time following Nick’s death that really spoke to me and I try and live by daily;

‘We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, our attitude. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.’

And you don’t have to have lost a partner to relate to this, but just ultimately how you react to any situation thrown at you, whether the loss of a loved one or even being cut off in traffic, is what will change the course of your life or even just your day.

Staying positive is key.

I still get emails from widows all over the world asking me if they’re going to be ok again, or telling me how my little ol’blog helped them see into their own futures again.

I am forever humbled reading these emails, thank you for taking the time to write and if you have any questions, you can email me below and i’ll be sure to reply as best I can.

Even if it’s been a year since I wrote, this blog just seems to gain momentum and I feel like i’m being pulled back to my laptop to write.

This week also marks a year since my last post, (wow, where did 2016 go?!?) so I’ll give you a thinly veiled promise to continue writing. I have ideas that keep me up at night. Paragraphs that form in my mind as I try to fall asleep, so I think you might see me pop up again very soon.

Or subscribe, if you’d like an email reminder when I write next.

I think a piece about not being judge-y, (yes, i know that’s not a real word), should be coming shortly.

Til next time, Michela x